blueondeck | (no subject)

[he's stumbling in, mussed and pale and looking like he barely slept]

...Joe?

[looks up and over with a start, seeming slightly terrified to see you.]

Joe.

[he doesn't even notice, because he's running straight into you, impacting your chest with a thump and wrapping his arms around you fiercely, his face buried against your shoulder]

[Jumps and takes releases a breath when you touch him, shakily wrapping his arms around you in return]

Chi..aki

[swallows hard]

Yesterday. I saw--you were dead, and--

[he squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, just holding on hard]

[slowly reaches up, petting your hair slowly. This... can't be right. Nothing happened yesterday other than...]

Nothing happened to me.

It was--it was some thing Camp did, Takeru said. I came back to my room and it was just--

[he stops, swallowing hard against nausea]

Like--there were severed heads everywhere. Yours and Takeru's and Kotoha's and Marvelous' and the door disappeared and I was stuck in there with them for... I dunno how long. Takeru came and broke me out. But it wasn't real. [he buries his face harder in against your throat for a second, just breathing slowly] ...still nice to see you, though.

[That explains that. Really it makes him angry more than anything to know camp is messing with him and everyone else again]

Chiaki, we're all fine. You're okay now.

[nods a little, then draws back to look up at you]

...what about you? [he knows something happened, you never just stand around the training grounds like that]

[Wasn't going to talk about it. Starts to look away and down]

I saw my past. Children I thought I saved. Sid. Hakase. You

...

Anyone I get close to. Anyone I care about. Everyone who's died because of me and my weakness.

Shit. [softly, his belly clenching] But--you know it's crap, right? And that none of that stuff was your fault, and that none of us blame you.

[catches at your shoulders, gripping hard] Because we don't. Okay? It's just as bullshit as the stuff I saw. None of that crap was your fault.

[looking at you silent and then down]

You said you couldn't trust the other Shinkengers. That I ruined your relationship. You couldn't even trust Takeru because of how I ...

[shakes his head]

Takeru and I worked that stuff out. I'm serious--we sparred suited up and I worked through it and it's better now. We're fine, and I trust him, and nothing's ruined. And either way, it wasn't your fault to begin with. [squeezing a little] Okay?

I know. I wouldn't hurt you on purpose, you nor Takeru.

We know. [leaning in against you again] We know that.

[Holding you tightly, unashamed ... for the moment]

I've tried to kill him too, and Marvelous. It's always my fault. My weakness.

Joe--that's not your fault. That's Camp. It's happened to other people too--Jiu Wu killed Takeru too, during that whole card thing, and they still crash in the same bed every so often, okay? Nobody blames you, nobody hates you for it, nobody thinks it was your fault even a little. It sucks, but you don't have to beat yourself up over something you couldn't control.

Even... [stops and sighs, leaning on you]

I know that. I know nothing could be done here or in the war against the Zangyack. Putting everything on myself is stupid, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty.

[he looks like he's going to argue for a second, before he just nods, leaning in against you and wrapping his arms around your waist again]

If we saw that, did the others also see it?

Dunno. Maybe. I asked Takeru and he said nothing was wrong, but...

... But?

I dunno. A bunch of stuff was missing from his room all of a sudden, it was weird. I think something's up, but he won't tell me. [shrugs] So it wasn't just us.

I'll talk to him tomorrow. [because I want to recuperate today]

Okay. ...can I--y'know. Do anything to help?